LAWSON's Life's Lessons

If you believe that there are such things as soul mates, Mr. and Mrs. Rights, White Knights and Cinderellas…………then there must also be many people out there who are not. So herein lies the dilemma, if you are going through life and these amazing people don’t show up  in your life, just what are you supposed to do?!

Not to be trite but I love the song that goes: “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with!” If you think about it………..that makes a lot of sense!

But getting to my point, there are a lot of people that will be in your life over the years that can make you happy……..NOT just that “one somebody”!! If that somebody doesnt’ show up and/or is around for a while and dies on you…………do you just say well I had my shot and now it’s over……….I’ll never be happy again…….well, that’s just not so! Don’t sit around alone and waste opportunities to be important in somebodyelse’s life. Life is for the living! LIVE!

Think about this………….we change every 10 years……………so every 10 years we’re different people………..we like different things, we think differently, we love differently. And all the while we’re changing everybody else is changing too. So if you are with somebody for 40 years and they leave you or die………..somebody else is out there that’s in your same situation and you too need to meet up with each other.

HOW DO YOU DO THAT?!!!!! Actually it is really very simple!

1. Decide you don’t want to be alone………..you want companionship (define exactly what kind) and be very specific about details.

2. Write it down.

3. Concentrate about it…………….pray or meditate…..whatever you need to do to focus completely on what you want!

4. Believe that it will happen!

5. Be patient and wait.

IT WILL HAPPEN!      Questions? Comments?

Since this particular blog has been mainly about “gifting” or “giving” these final words just about sum up everything important about it.

Words taken from THE PROPHET, by Kahil Gibran: The prophet is leaving the city after a long stay there and the people who love and know him to be a grand prophet ask him questions about life that they may save and pass on to their children and their children after them:

Then said a rich man, Speak to us of giving. And he answered: You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. For what are your possessions but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow………And what is fear of need but need itself?……..There are those who give little of the much which they have….and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome. And there are those who have little and give it all.These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty! There are those that give with joy, and that joy is their reward. And there are those that give with pain, and that pain is their baptism. And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue; They give as the yonder myrtle breathes its fragrance into space. Through the hands of such as these GOD speaks, and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth.

It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding; and to the open-handed the search for one who shall receive is joy greater than giving. And is there augh (any) you would withhold?

All you have shall someday be given; Therefore give now, that the season of giving may be yours and not your inheritors’.

You often say, “I would give, but only to the deserving.” The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture. They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish. Surely he who is worthy to receive his days and his nights, is worthy of all else from you. And he who has deserved to drink from the ocean of life deserves to fill his cup from your little stream.

And what desert greater shall there be, than that which lies in the courage and the confidence, nay the charity, of receiving? And who are you that men should rend their bosom and unveil their pride, that you may see their worth naked and their pride unabashed? See first that you  yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving. For in truth it is life that gives unto life—–while you, who deem yourself a giver, are but a witness.

And you receivers—and you are all receivers—-assume no weight of gratitude, lest you lay a yoke upon yourself and upon him who gives.

Rather rise together with the giver on his gifts as on wings;

For to be overmindful of your debt, is to doubt his generosity who has the free-hearted earth for mother and God for father.

Note: Judge not, and be a cheerful giver expecting nothing in return.

Men’s Cologne, deodorants, aftershaves  and Women’s Perfumes!

A very good friend of mine made this comment: There is nothing “manly” about a man who smells like a French Whore!

Almost everybody (way above 95%) uses too much of the perfumed body products! The adage, “A little dab’l do ye!” is rarely followed.

And usually the more expensive products smell the strongest, although some of the cheaper stuff can really knock you over too!

In a closed room, a theater, a church, elevator, anywhere! Too much scent is too much! Many people suffer with breathing problems to the point of having to carry oxygen around with them. Asthma and other diseases are made worse by over powering scents!

So what’s  a guy do to attract the object of his affection? Well, get rid of that stomach! Walk and slim down and get good muscle tone. Pay attention to the person. Listen! Learn what makes them happy! Those things will work much better than perfumed beauty products………..and oh, yes, honest sweat earned by hard work and a “I think you are great” comment is worth all of your weight in gold!

And that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it!

“You’d like to think that your gift will perpetuate into a strand of good deeds. When the good deed ends with someone, it feels a bit like you’re being taking advantage of. The person you rescued, maybe the good fortune you brought to them will help them to help others. The folks who you felt you may have enabled bad behavior, things have a way of catching up to people like that. Its easier said than done, of course, but I try to steer clear of thoughts & machinations of punishment, they only lead to distress and unhappiness; instead look forward to helping those who help others. The selfish folks, they never seem to be happy, at least not for long; and as I get older I try to just steer clear of them.”

See the above comment I received in an e-mail today. It makes several excellent points. And I was thinking along those same lines/comments this morning after another “moment” in which I had a clear “understanding” of just how the enabling and the helping fit together:

In summary of two comments I’ve had to this particular blog to date,

1. A gift is a gift is a gift!   Give unconditionally, period!

2. Don’t try to analyze or force situations……..give and let go!

3. Use your intuition, your gut feelings, your sense of “I should do this now”, or “I should not do this now” to guide your actions in all matters.

LET GO AND LET GOD, keeps coming to mind! Nobody has appointed us Team Captains!

Do looks count………..make a difference? Yes!

Should they? Yes!       How much?  Depends!   On what?  Depends!

We live in the so-called real world and looks do count. If you are honest with yourself, you’ll agree that at first sight you judge people immediately by the way you think you see them. Good or bad and they get a “yes” or a “maybe” or a big fat NO! Not only do you judge people…………you judge things! It either looks good or bad or “fuzzy”! So yes, looks do make a difference!

Should they? Yes!   That is part of our safety system! But looks can be deceiving and so something may look good but be bad! So there is a lot more involved in handling things and people than just making decisions based on “how they look”.

Is it “how they act”? Now that’s a loaded question! Some good and bad things and people don’t act like they look! So how are we to know, really know whether to like, trust, believe, that things or people are what they look like they are?

Think TIME! Don’t make quick/snap decisions about things or people unless there is a question of safety………….I’ll probably try to get out of the way of a big black snake or a charging bull………….and cozy up to a glazed donut or a piece of pecan pie!

I don’t believe in love at first sight…………..lust at first sight yes……….love no! Why? Because looks do count and first appearances are very often misleading! I’m sure we’ve all missed out on some great adventures and interactions with people based on what we thought they were like because of the way they looked!

A great lesson here is this…………….as we get older and hopefully smarter….we learn that looks change for us and for others……..those clear blue eyes may be a little cloudy but the heart that beats for them may be honest and true and gentle and loving and dependable and there! And we learn that though looks might catch our eyes many other things catch and hold our hearts and make us happy.

So much for the better if we learn these truths when we are still young!!!!!!!

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

When all is said and done and after a couple of weeks of thinking about it, my conclusion is that from now on………..

1. I will rely on my “gut feelings” regardless of how much time I have to make a decision.   ( They’re 95% +  right all of the time.)
 

2. If after reflection I discover I’ve made a bad choice………..I’ll reconsider and react differently.

“Gut Feeling” definition:  That feeling I have immediately when a pivotal moment situation happens……..it is usually instantaneous either very positive or very negative. I feel happy or sad………….uplifted or depressed!

I learned a lot from this particular pivotal moment:

1. There’s a fine line between helping and enabling!

2. Each individual’s life is that person’s personal property. Each is free to choose the paths that he/she wants to follow and  must learn the lessons each one presents. “When we listen to the music, we must pay the Piper!”

3. It is not up to “us” to decide when and how much the payment will be!

4. All gifts will have no strings attached!

5. I will never knowingly enable negativity or closed mindedness.

6. I will live and inspire a positive lifestyle!

7. I will live in the Light!

It is true that pivotal moments are BIG in our lives. In the episode mentioned previously, I was left very angry! I did spare the loved one I wanted to protect, but I was left feeling like I had rewarded bad behavior and enabled another to continue down the wrong track! WOE was ME!

A dear friend of mine reminded me that a gift is a gift is a gift and just that. Also that if you look at the situation as maybe inspirational to another person by adding just the right amount of encouragement at a time when it might be greatly needed you see the good in the act. If you revisit the “Pay it forward” philosophy idea, then the act takes on a whole new meaning once again. While thinking these thoughts gave me relief from my severe frustration I was still uncomfortable with what I had done………….I had gone against my gut feeling! I had let emotions rule my actions.

Our “gift of Grace” is our gut feelings, our intuitions, our does it feel right, our does it make me happy, should I do this thing or not, am I making things better or making them worse?

This situation isn’t over. Stay tuned….add comments, what do you think, what would you do?

A “pivotal moment” is one that shakes our equilibrium system and knocks us to our knees concerning our belief systems!

Life’s Lessons do exactly that! We learn from them! We get comfortable with our daily lives and beliefs and roll on feeling very good about ourselves…and then in a flash something happens that smacks us in the face and makes us stop and think and change!

This week I had one of those moments: I did something for somebody that I didn’t want to do for and didn’t feel good about doing it in order to protect somebody that I love from getting hurt! “WOW”!

Now, I realize that books have been written about just such topics………..lives have been lived debating and trying out the various scenarios that situations like that bring up……….so for now I will just say, I can’t wrap my mind around it yet! It rocked my belief system so much that it will take some time for me to sort it out.

Stay tuned! I’ll get back to this topic later!

NEVER tell somebody, “It is so hard to buy something for you! You already have everything you want or need!”  YOU are not paying attention if you feel like that!

In the first place, NOBODY HAS EVERYTHING! And how do you know what anybody really needs?

So how do you know how to buy a special gift for somebody?

1. You have to really WANT to give the person a gift…………..if you’re doing it because you feel you HAVE to or are obligated to…………..then don’t……….you’re not doing it in the right frame of mine and the gift will be insincere. It’s better to not give them anything at all……………they’ll know!

2. Pay attention to the person for whom the gift will be. What do they do with their spare time? Sports? Books? Music? Travel? What are they interested in? History, Space, the Future? What kid of work do they do? Surely they EAT…..all kinds of gift cards are available! Movie tickets!?

3. Why not give them part of your most valuable commodity!? Your time! A phone call…………….a hand written card…………….take them out to lunch or dinner………….go by for a drink (coffee, tea, wine, beer, etc.)………..take them out for a drink………………..AND WHEN YOU DO………………let them do the talking! LISTEN! REALLY LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pay close attention and understand them………….

4. Do those things and I can promise you………….you won’t have a problem buying them a wonderful and appreciated gift!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s hard to beat “genuine interest” and understanding!